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Potty Training Sucks: A Sarcastic Mommy Poem

Dear Friends,

 

Potty training is my never-ending nightmare. It turns out that sometimes as a mom there are things that you just utterly fail at. The trouble is, you’re raising a tiny human and giving up isn’t an option. You’ve got to pick your butt up off the ground, shake it off and get back out there. In the meantime, there’s always poetry. The following is acerbic, childish, and may contain mild profanity. I’m not sorry.

 

Laura

potty training sucks and sometimes poetry is the answer

 

Potty Training Sucks

A potty training ditty set to the classic tune, “Here we go round the mulberry bush

This mommy is sick of potty training,

potty training, potty training.

This mommy is sick of potty training

night, noon and morning.

 

I’ve tried every trick and tool, 

trick and tool, trick and tool.

I’ve tried every trick and tool

to get her to go potty.

 

We’ve been doing this for half her life

half her life, half her life.

We’ve been doing this for half her life,

“just go on the freaking potty!”

 

Dear three-day method, you suck

you suck, you suck!

Dear three-day method, you suck. 

Night, noon, and morning. 

 

Sticker charts and mommy needs Merlot,

Merlot, Merlot.

Sticker charts and mommy needs…

is it too early to drink in the morning?

 

“Mommy, I have to pee!”

have to pee, have to pee.

“Mommy, I have to pee!”

But, the potty’s across the store!

 

Flying down the aisles of a grocery store

grocery store, grocery store.

Flying down the aisles of a grocery store, 

but, we don’t have to pee anymore. 

 

Now at the mercy of a toddler’s whim,

toddler’s whim, toddler’s whim.

Now at the mercy of a toddler’s whim

what else is freaking new?

 

Sit on the pot and not spill a drop,

spill a drop, spill a drop.

Sit on the pot and not spill a drop

then puddles 10 minutes later!

 

Turns out I don’t freaking care,

freaking care, freaking care.

Turns out I don’t freaking care

wear that diaper to the prom!

 

Okay, I’m done whining now

whining now, whining now.

Okay, I’m done whining now

back to being a mom!

 

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