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The Conundrum of the First Trimester: How and Why I Stay Mum

As I write this post, I am almost 12 weeks pregnant with my third child. I’m excited, tired, bloated, emotional and so much more. And that was just this morning. The first trimester is bananas in so many ways. You’re up, you’re down and you’re trying to keep it all a secret! Or are you? 

My husband and I are fairly traditional about the first trimester. Apart from very close friends and a few family members, we stay mum. We want the time to adjust to our news and, if things were to go wrong, I would want to be able to choose in whom I confide. The idea of having to send out a massive email or someone coming up to me asking “how’s the pregnancy” in the event of miscarriage sounds too hard to handle. So, we wait to post on Facebook, share the bump photos on Instagram and perfect the “it’s a vodka tonic but it’s really club soda” move at get-togethers. 

While I’m completely confident in our decision to wait until the first trimester is over (which it is at the publication of this post), so much of my life would be easier right now if I could share my news. 

Hiding The Bump

Since this is my third child, the bump is already there. You might be someone who doesn’t start showing until six months (I am trying not to bear envy in my heart towards you) or you might show right off the bat (God bless you), but that bump can be no joke. You may feel like wearing a sign that says, “I’m not getting fat, I’m pregnant!” Don’t wear the sign, it’s weird. Invest in flowy tops instead, they’re so hot right now. Also, the athleisure movement was made for us. Stretchy pants are my spirit animal.

Hiding the Drama

I’m finding it very easy to relate to my four-year-old daughter these days. Girl could provide water for a small village in Africa at the rate she produces tears. She feels all the feelings and often. I’m officially in her club and trying to embrace it. I’m avoiding emotional topics with friends I’m not ready to share my news with and certainly not watching Grey’s Anatomy in front of anyone but my cat. Because, obviously. Hormones are making me a bit mental so I am laying low until I can be honest with everyone about why. I’m not crazy, I’m not having a mental breakdown, I’m not turning into a sentimental extremist — I am pregnant. 

Hiding the Tired

The number one symptom of pregnancy I have is fatigue. I’ll be fine in the morning and then I hit a wall. My friend asked me to help her out with her two kiddos for a few hours one afternoon and I straight up lied about being busy. The idea of bringing more kids into my house to neglect during the afternoon hours felt like too much. My husband came home the other night to me upstairs with pants pulled up to my knees, lying on the bed. Because it was just too hard to pull them up any higher. Yes, this is the point where my drama (see previous section) coincides with my tiredness. I’m a traveling circus (but without the traveling because that is just too much work right now). So, I lie to my friends and I outsource the afternoon parenting to Doc McStuffins and this amazing cupcake game that my girls are obsessed with. Praise be.

Hiding the Nausea

While I don’t get as nauseated as many other pregnant mamas out there, the thought of preparing food makes me want to run and hide. I would seriously rather watch Caillou or complete a Lego obstacle course (wherein you have to run through a room with Legos strewn on the floor) than cook, chop or think about food in any way. This is where outsourcing is key. Sorry husband, you’re doing the grocery shopping now. Hello, takeout place around the corner, can I have a loyalty punch card, please? Pass the bagels, I’m carbo-loading!

Hide From Many but Not From All

During this time, it’s critical for me to have people I trust with our news. Whether it’s sending crazy texts to my bffs about how unfun bloating is (SO unfun, in case you were wondering) or shouting “I’m growing organs right now, I cannot do laundry” at my husband, I’ve got to be able to unleash the messy and beautiful truth to some. Who are your people? Who do you let into this amazing time in your life? 

Maybe your approach is different than mine and that is great. If I have learned anything from being a mom these past years, it’s that there are many ways to do it. If you love your kids and are trying your best, you’re doing it right. When it comes to your first trimester, share with everyone or share with no one or somewhere in between. Whatever works for you, honestly. We are all in this tired, hard, amazing, beautiful sisterhood of motherhood together. 

Did you keep mum or share during your first trimester of pregnancy?

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