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Let’s REALLY Talk About Sex : Changing Your Sexual Perspective With Alicia Joy Stiles

This post is one of a three-part series. Written anonymously to allow our writers to be as open and honest as possible, we are delighted to share with you what working with Alicia Joy Stiles, Sexuality and Relationship Coach, was like. Each writer participated in her online workshop, "Awakening Your Sexuality".

When I started the Awakening Your Sexuality workshop with Alicia Joy Stiles, I was both intrigued and apprehensive. Honestly, I feel like I am quite confident and comfortable with my own sexuality and I didn’t know what to expect. Yet, when I really dove into this workshop I realized how deep this relationship goes and how much sexuality connects with the rest of my life. I hate to say this but being a mom feels like the least sexy job there is! Society instills in us a few ideas about how moms {and women} should feel about sex. Multiple factors form our ideas, some good some bad. What if you could change how you think about sex and how you feel about your own sexuality?

I started this workshop not really knowing what to expect. As I continued, I realized I hadn’t thought about what I wanted my sexual relationship to look like. Why had I never asked myself that question? Yes, it takes two to tango but I realized that I hadn’t given myself the space or time to really think about what I wanted in so long. If you haven’t gotten the memo, life changes and so do your wants, desires, and your relationships. The videos, workbook and meditations offered in this online workshop from Alicia Joy Stiles started to change my whole perspective on sex. 

Digging Up Sexual Baggage

Week one asked me to reflect on my past experiences, both positive and negative. During this reflection, I realized a past relationship, that had been abusive, still affected me. Underlying insecurities, judgments, and perceptions that I still carry from this relationship came to the surface during week one’s meditation. This workshop allowed me to see where these unhealed parts of me carried through not only to my sexual relationships but my life as a whole. I had the opportunity to reflect and work through a lot of this and am grateful for the healing it continues to bring. 

“For such an oversexualized society, we are absolutely terrified about owning sex for ourselves.” – Alicia Joy Stiles

The writing part of the workshop was amazing. When the pen hit the paper I didn’t stop writing until my mind was empty. No judgment, no fear, no over thinking. So what on earth did I write about? I found myself exploring my sexual past. Again, it seemed like it had been a door that was closed and I was finally ready to open it. I came from a Christian home which gave me a lot of feelings of unnecessary guilt and judgement, especially surrounding sex. My rebellious teenage years had a lot to do with figuring out my own sexuality. Thankfully, my first sexual relationship as a teenager was healthy, safe, and set the tone for the rest of my relationships. High-five to awesome first boyfriends!

I needed the writing to understand how I feel about myself, the world around me, and how those ideas and truths are stepping stones to my own sexual wants and desires. We are inundated with sex everyday and somehow that muddles how we really feel and what we really want from our own sexual relationships.

Liberation!

Over the four weeks my mind and my body began to shift into a safer, more confident place. A place that once felt out of control and too controlled at the same time. This workshop allowed me to explore how I honestly feel about my own sexuality and own the parts that I am still working on. I’m starting to accept that I am a sexual being. Sex is easily compartmentalized and put in a box for when when have the energy or time to experience it. But it’s not a compartment, it’s part of our whole self. 

As my perception of sexuality changed I realized that my own sexuality can be present at any time or space in my life. The thought was liberating!  I no longer feel like I have to hold back working through my sexual past or enjoy my sexual present. I am allowing it to to be apart of my daily life. Now, this doesn’t mean I am spending hours having sex with my husband {sorry honey!} but sex is becoming more of a conversation in my own mind as well as in my marriage. 

When was the last time you gave yourself more than two minutes to think about what you really wanted?

For me it had been a while. This workshop changed my whole idea of what sexuality really means in my life. It reminded me of who I am at my very core and how to honor that in whatever way I chose. Whether you’re looking for more confidence, more time to reflect on who you are, or want to awaken your sexuality; this workshop is truly for anyone. I’ll be forever grateful to Alicia Joy Stiles for the ways she encouraged me to explore my sexual past and take a more holistic view of my own sexuality. 

Alicia Joy Stiles
aliciajoystiles.com

 

 

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