To My Husband’s Girlfriend,
You don’t know me. Well, not personally. You know what my husband has told you about me. So let me tell you a little about me and my relationship with him.
I met your boyfriend 10 years ago. We fell in love quickly and fiercely and were married two years later. I supported him through graduate school. I watched him work hard to grow in his career and stood by him as he went through failed start-ups until ultimately landing at a stable, secure job. But you know that part. He works with you.
We enjoyed life together. He and I moved across the country and then back together, driving with our dog both ways. We enjoyed baseball games, trips to Vegas and Mexico, playing cribbage on our porch in the summertime, and hosting family parties over the holidays.
We had a child together. And it wasn’t easy. I was very sick before, during, and after the birth of our child. It was hard on me and on us. But I got better, and our child is incredible.
We hardly ever fought or bickered. Who knows, maybe that was a part of our downfall? We did not communicate well. We spoke two different languages. Clearly, we failed when trying to understand one another. Is that why he reached out to you? Apparently, you speak the same language as he does.
But somehow speaking the same language included sharing the same bed. With a married man when you yourself are also married (with children) – that language I will never speak. Sleeping with my husband on work trips together knowing that you both have families back at home – that is a language I will never speak. Coming into our home without my knowledge (on numerous occasions, including once while my daughter was asleep upstairs) – I will never speak this language. Thinking that it is OK to introduce your child to my child, again without my knowledge and while both of you were still married – I will never speak this language. And getting pregnant with my husband’s child? I can’t even understand this language.
Make no mistake: I hold him just as accountable, if not more. Whatever language it is that you both speak and understand, I never ever wish to learn it. No person should ever violate another’s life so easily and so readily. He is culpable for violating my life but also the lives of your husband and children.
But I guess I held mothers in a higher regard. What kind of a mother could justify any of these actions against another mother? Or woman against another woman?
Finally, I have to thank you. Yes, a “thank you” to you, my husband’s girlfriend. Thank you for helping me to see what I don’t want for myself in life. And for helping me learn that I deserve better. Thank you for helping me become a better person, a stronger person, without my husband. I don’t speak your language and I never will. And I’m grateful for that. The language I speak is one of fidelity, honesty, respect, and love. It is a beautiful language and it’s the only one I need in my life.
Your Boyfriend’s Wife (for now)