If you are thinking about being a parent, here are some things to know.
I love being a parent. Really, I do. However, I sincerely wish someone would have prepared me for the uncanny resemblance that child-rearing has to the 1993 Blockbuster, Jurassic Park. It’s one of my all-time favorite films, but I often wonder if the original story line got some inspiration from parenting.
…Like the time the audience meets the herd of Brontosaurus (cue theme music)
The first time that parenting felt like Jurassic Park was when our oldest daughter came into the world. Much like Dr. Grant fumbling with his sunglasses in disbelief as he stares with mouth agape, there I was, a new mother overwhelmed by the incredible reality of the moment. As I cradled my little cherub for the first time, the glory of her realness overwhelmed all of the mental prep that I thought I had done for the last nine months. Boy, were we in for a wild ride!
…Like that time the dinosaur sneezed on Lexi
Nothing says welcome to parenting like having your baby cover you in vomit, poop, or snot . If you’re not ready for that, you may want to reconsider parenthood. Here’s the thing. Whether you have one child or seven, it happens a lot. And you will never see it coming. So always carry a spare set of clothes and a burp cloth…for you. I can’t guarantee that you will ever be able to clean up your dignity after that kind of experience, but at least you will have clean clothing … for the moment.
…Like the time that the raptors figured out how to open doors
I found parenting to be relatively simple until my toddlers began discovering how door knobs and handles operate. Suddenly, I could no longer close off sections of our home to contain them (or use the bathroom in peace). Our front door went from a welcoming gateway for guests to a portal of chaos and exploration in a matter of days (hallelujah for locks!). Quite frankly, I had a mind-blowing moment of quiet horror, much like Ellie, the khaki-shorts-wearing paleontologist, did when she realized just how clever those naughty little raptors had become. As I watched my toddler wrap her chubby little digits around the brass knob, and give it a solid twist, I knew I had entered into a new phase in my parenting game.
…Like the time that Tim and Lexi are hiding in the kitchen
Having one kid is hard. Two? Quite challenging. Three or more? Pure chaos. The beauty of parenting is that you’re never alone. The drawback of parenting? You’re never alone. So whenever I want to finish my coffee in solitude, I sit back in a quiet corner, and wait. Watching the cup’s surface begin to wiggle like the Jell-O on Lexi’s spoon, I know that my children are getting closer, and the lovable and loving hunters are about to get me.
…Like that time when Dr. Grant and Lexi freeze to prevent dino detection
Ah, the dance of stealth we parents do to sneak past a slumbering baby! And when they stir, we freeze, just like we’re facing off with a T-Rex. We parents have it down to a science, really. Each time I do the famous crib-side freeze, I think back to that scene and I can’t help but smirk.
…Like the time when the T-Rex destroys the museum hall
You know the scene. The end of the film is nearing. Tim, Lexi, Ellie, and Dr. Grant have just barely avoided becoming dino dinner and as they dart out the museum door, the camera pans back. The gigantic T-Rex is destroying everything. This scene will feel oddly familiar after you watch your child destroy your house for the first time. Or the fifth time. Or the one-hundredth time. And while you will feel like escaping to anywhere else via a red, InGen helicopter, you will stay. You will stay because unlike Jurassic Park, this tiny human is your flesh and blood. You love them with every fiber of your being, and you always will.
Is there a time when Jurassic Park reminded you of parenting? Share your musings in the comments below!