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Captain’s Log, USS Coronavirus: Day 4

Each day, I dress proudly in my Captain’s uniform. Today, the most senior crew member asked, “Why do you wear the same clothes every day?” Can you imagine asking a senior officer such a question about her uniform? Shocking lack of respect. I put her on cleanup duty.

The middle ranking crew member has a voice modulation problem. There’s nowhere aboard ship you can’t hear her. This is a problem and I am exploring possible solutions. I’ve not ruled out jumping overboard as of yet.

While we spent yesterday on land with the sun on our faces, today we were at sea. And the sea was angry. We spent our day below deck. The rain and wind ravaged our boat and the rookie of the crew even soiled her pants. Thrice. The biggest cruelty was that I was the one that had to help her — no First Mate in sight. Must work on that revenge plan… for both the First Mate and the tiny crew member.

I poured myself into work today while my crew neglected all their duties. Their great devotion seems to be not to the work of this ship but to diversion. As if their occupation here is “to play”. Getting them to complete a task requires a Machiavellian approach. Yet, they do not fear me as they’ve seen me clean soiled pants. How do I come back from that and take back my authority?

Much of my leadership strategy remains a mystery to even me. But I know that I must hold strong and develop one soon or else they will mutiny. I can see it in their eyes.

Tomorrow is a new day.

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